This is the Company You Own, Taxpayers

This is the kind of business sense $50 billion will buy you:

I wanted a Chevy Camaro. I'd never really liked American sports cars before. But the 2010 Camaro -- a revival Chevrolet has been talking up since 2006 -- is so much more sleek than your typical muscle car. And since my BMW 330 started showing its age (nine) around the same time that the death of the U.S. auto industry hit the headlines, I thought: Why not do a little something to help? So, after seeing a newspaper ad promoting Camaros at a local Chevy dealer, I called and left a voicemail saying I was interested in a test drive. I never heard back. I was shocked. Here I was, ready to buy, while GM was in financial straits. I thought they'd be all over me. Turns out it's not so easy to obtain a piece of the American dream. The next week, I decided to widen my search. I e-mailed four Chevy dealers in the area. Two never wrote back. One replied that they had no Camaros, and ended the correspondence right there. The fourth said they'd have one soon -- just stay tuned.

He didn't get a Camaro (which, by the way, does look pretty sweet this year, if only you could get someone to sell it to you). Who wouldn't want to own 0.000000435% of this promising company sure to give a massive return on your involuntary investment? In other news, Chrysler, who first used your money to buy grammatically incorrect "thank you" ads in the nation's newspapers, is now sponsoring the Tour de France TV coverage. Because what better investment for the makers of the PT Cruiser and the Dodge Ram than to reach an audience of Europhile cycling enthusiasts. I'm sure they're all just rarin' to jump into a Sebring for the trip to the farmer's market to pick up artisan cheeses. Could some of the trepidation about Obama's "investment" in health care reform, in Congress and among voters, not be attributed to his utter failure to produce results on any other "investment" he's made with your money? Nah, it's probably just the fear-mongers and lobbyists. Now, go buy yourself a Caddy to bend the curve downward...or something.