BOOKS IN BRIEF

Between Two Worlds: The Inner Lives of Children of Divorce by Elizabeth Marquardt (Crown, 288 pp., $24.95). There's no such thing as a "good divorce." So argues Elizabeth Marquardt, an affiliate scholar at the Institute for American Values. In her new book Marquardt debunks the myth that children of divorce--even those children whose parents divorce amicably--do not suffer emotional and psychological scars from the dissolved family unit. Rather, divorce dramatically shapes the inner lives of children, and leaves its mark well into adult life.

Marquardt's findings are based on a survey she conducted with sociologist Norval Glenn from the University of Texas. They interviewed 1,500 adults, and compared those who grew up in divorced households with those who grew up in intact families. Half experienced their parents' divorce before they were 14, while the other half grew up in intact families.

Marquardt's research challenges Constance Ahrons's study, which concluded most children of divorce do not suffer long-term effects. Ahrons is a sociology professor at the University of Southern California and author of The Good Divorce and We're Still Family: What Grown Children Have to Say About Their Parents' Divorce. She contends that children from divorce are resilient and that only 20 percent suffer lasting effects. Moreover, she argues that the problems these children carry into their adult life occurred long before the divorce of their parents. Marquardt disagrees and paints a more complete picture.

Building on Judith Wallerstein's work in The Unexpected Legacy of Divorce, which chronicles the psychological effects of divorce on children, Marquardt examines the spiritual and moral ramifications. Marquardt takes issue with the popular wisdom of our day, which says that "divorce is no big deal" and has little effect on children. This "happy talk," as she coins it, claims that the child will suffer only in the short term and will be saved from the worse fate of continuing to grow up in a troubled household. But this view contradicts the overwhelming testimony of those surveyed, who reveal that divorce does indeed have real and lasting effects.

According to Marquardt, even though many children of divorce are able to become successful adults and lead healthy, normal lives, the effects of divorce always linger long after the fact. Divorce harms children for the rest of their lives. Children of both "good" and "bad" divorces are robbed of their childhood and are forced to become "little adults," who are more concerned about their parents' needs than their own. They end up getting caught in the middle of their parents' arguments and placed in the difficult position of keeping their secrets. Most children of divorce also struggle to decipher the different values and lifestyles presented by their parents and suffer an identity crisis as a result. As they try to make sense of it all, a deep loneliness creeps in, and they no longer feel safe.

Marquardt also explores the religious beliefs of children of divorce. She notes that a correlation exists between divorce and a child's attitude toward God. Adults from divorced parents are less religious than those from married households. Many of the adults she interviewed blamed their parents for their rejection of a loving and caring God. These children were also less encouraged by their parents to pray or practice a religious faith.

Moreover, children of divorce have a hard time seeing their parents as moral guides. Feeling betrayed by some of their parents' marital infidelities, they struggle with respecting their parents and turning to them for moral advice. On the other hand, children from intact homes have greater respect for their parents and are more cognizant of the sacrifices made on their behalf.

Sadly, more than half of all marriages end in divorce. And approximately one million children every year must pick up the pieces of their shattered childhood in the aftermath of their parents' inability to stay together. Overwhelming research has shown that children do best when raised in a healthy, two-parent family with a mother and father. These children are less likely to drop out of school, suffer from depression, commit suicide, or engage in at-risk behaviors. Marquardt's book further confirms that a child's moral and spiritual well-being is directly related to a family's ability to remain intact.

Critics who claim Marquardt's work is biased because her parents divorced when she was two years old fail to realize that it was precisely this difficult experience that helps her understand divorce from a child's perspective. Marquardt is not attempting to ban divorce or overturn no-fault divorce laws; nor is she trying to demonize parents who part ways. Rather, she acknowledges that divorce is "a vital option for ending bad marriages," especially when domestic violence is involved. Although she understands that divorce may be necessary, she wants to make certain that the spiritual and moral effects it has on children are acknowledged. Marquardt's personal journey and work are appropriate testaments to their pain.

  • Loredana Vuoto