In the midst of last week’s installments of the Anthony Weiner saga​—​rehab, further revelations, resignation​—​another minor media episode played itself out, a little less spectacularly, on the televised stage: Five days before the ceremony, Miss Crystal Harris bailed out on her planned wedding to Mr. Hugh Hefner.

Everybody knows Hugh Hefner, of course: the founder of Playboy and professional bon vivant whose swinging bachelor lifestyle has been a staple of American pop culture since the Eisenhower era. But who is Crystal Harris? She turns out to be a 25-year-old ex-Playmate and aspiring singer​—​whose plans to wed, therefore, might not seem so remarkable, except that Hugh Hefner, at 85, is old enough to be her great-grandfather.

Which raises an interesting, if slightly discomforting, question: What is less edifying, the graphic spectacle of an exhibitionist member of Congress, or an elderly man whose taste in female companionship runs to women fresh out of adolescence?

In The Scrapbook’s opinion, it’s a draw. Anthony Weiner’s conduct was so far beyond the historic norm of congressional misbehavior that it very nearly approached a category unto itself, made more comic (and simultaneously more appalling) by the advent of iPhones and Twitter. It will be a long time before anything remotely approaching the details of the Weiner affair will be seen again in Washington.

Or maybe not. All the ingredients that came together for Anthony Weiner​—​narcissism, sexuality, political power, social media, new technology​—​remain in place, and if history teaches us anything, it is that human nature is reliably constant and fallible.

In Hugh Hefner’s case, by contrast, The Scrapbook almost feels compassionate: The notion that there’s no fool like an old fool, and that Hef’s well-advertised pursuit of hedonistic pleasure has long since graduated to pathetic status, was painfully evident here. No one can imagine that Harris was attracted to her doddering, octogenarian husband-to-be by his sexual prowess or irresistible charm; any way you looked at it, the Hefner-Harris collaboration was neither enviable nor touching, but merely cringe-inducing. And while Anthony Weiner’s transition from rising political star to butt of late-night jokes was astonishingly swift, Hugh Hefner’s descent into moth-eaten creepiness has been comparatively gradual.

The Scrapbook does, however, report one nugget of inside information with pleasure: One of the many reasons given for Crystal Harris’s change of heart was not Hugh Hefner’s resemblance these days to a reptile Lothario but an extracurricular friendship with the son of TV therapist Dr. Phil McGraw. The celebrity world is smaller than we think, and it’s always fascinating how these people manage to find one another.

Perhaps, in due course, Anthony Weiner will bump into Crystal Harris on Dr. Phil’s program, and the cycles will run, as it were, full circle.

Dept. of Back Scratching

Last week Politico reported that all sorts of advocacy groups were queuing up to tell the FCC what they think about AT&T’s proposed acquisition of T-Mobile. Organizations like the NAACP and GLAAD and the Columbia Urban League believe that it’s vitally important that the FCC sign off on the merger. Why would these groups care about consolidation in the cell phone industry? Because​—​surprise!​—​they’ve all taken money from AT&T.

James McLawhorn, CEO of the Columbia Urban League, told the FCC, “In our work, we are often witness to the obstacles minority Americans face when trying to access mobile broadband and its associated benefits. This deal would help extricate the barriers keeping our members from attaining these benefits, working towards the end of the digital divide.” (Columbia took $25,000 from AT&T in 2009.) GLAAD (the Gay & Lesbian Alliance Against Defamation) claimed that “the merger will increase functionality and speed, thus growing engagement and improving the effectiveness of the online advocacy work that is advancing equality for all.” (AT&T gave GLAAD $50,000.) The National Education Association Foundation said, “This merger will have positive and long-lasting effects, and America’s students will be among the biggest winners.” (They got $75,000 last year.) The NAACP was the first group to push the merger. In 2009, AT&T gave them $1 million.

But before you get the wrong idea, the head of the NAACP’s North Carolina chapter, William Barber, was quick to explain, “one of the unique things about the NAACP is that financial support does not determine our civil rights positions.”

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Gloria in Excelsis Allred

After it was announced that Gloria Allred, the celebrity-chasing lawyer, and Ginger Lee, the porn star caught up in the Anthony Weiner scandal, would be holding a press conference, The Scrapbook couldn’t help but chuckle upon learning the event was held in the Milton Berle room of the New York Friars Club. (Like a great many details involving Representative Weiner, decency prevents us from explaining why exactly the invocation of Milton Berle was particularly amusing.)

Unfortunately, the press conference was a boilerplate Gloria Allred my-client-is-a-woman-wronged affair that’s about as tired as a Henny Youngman joke. Lee, for her part, stood mostly silent, wearing a black turtleneck and gray pants so as to present a highly atypical demure appearance, while the combative Allred did most of the talking.

Allred explained that she had been retained by Lee because, among other things, the constant press attention had made it difficult for a humble working girl to get back on the job. Here Allred was also at pains to emphasize that Lee is no longer a porn star, but rather a “feature dancer”​—​meaning she headlines strip clubs around the country. Far be it from us to suggest that her newfound, uh, exposure might actually prove to be terrifically lucrative for a confident woman in control of her own career, such as Lee.

In any event, there were a few interesting details that emerged from the press conference​—​including Lee’s cogent assessment of the congressman’s behavior. “I think that Anthony Weiner should resign because he lied. He lied to the public and the press for more than a week,” she said. “If he lied about this, I can’t have much faith in him about anything else.” Lee also says that she never reciprocated any of Weiner’s lewd messages. Given that the (former!) porn star is obviously far more transparent when it comes to her sexual modesty, we believe her.

But perhaps the most revealing tidbit was that Lee said she began corresponding with Weiner because she admired his staunch support of Planned Parenthood. After all, who can think of two more upstanding role models for the kind of sexual behavior that keeps Planned Parenthood’s abominable business brisk?

Nonetheless, given that the press conference was held at the epicenter of one of America’s great comedic traditions, we remain disappointed that the whole thing wasn’t a ruse for the long overdue Weiner roast. (“So, then he produces a picture of his genitals and announces he has no plans to resign. The talent agent says, ‘What do you call your act?’ Without missing a beat the congressman says, ‘The Aristocrats!’ ”) The Weiner roast in the Milton Berle room would have undoubtedly been one for the ages had the Friars Club risen to the occasion.

Quotation of the Week

We’ve bashed inane, politicized commencement speeches on more than one occasion in these pages. So a tip of The Scrapbook’s homburg is owed to Conan O’Brien for his fine tribute to George H.W. Bush at the Dartmouth College graduation ceremony on June 12:

Before I begin, I must point out that behind me sits a highly admired president of the United States and decorated war hero while I, a cable television talk show host, have been chosen to stand here and impart wisdom. I pray I never witness a more damning example of what is wrong with America today.

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