Our federal government continues to expand the frontiers of human knowledge. The November issue of the American Journal of Public Health contains a study titled, "Condom Use among the Female Sex Workers in Nevada's Brothels." Federally funded, of course. From the study's abstract: "Forty-one licensed prostitutes in three brothels were enrolled in a prospective trial in August 1993. Used condoms were collected" -- and you thought you had a tough" job -- "to verify reported breaks." Good news! "No condoms broke, and none fell off the penis during intercourse." The feds paid the "commercial sex workers" $ 40 each to participate -- a govnernment discount that may violate Davis-Bacon prevailing-wage provisions. In any case, it was worth every penny, for the abstract concludes: "These findings . . . suggest that regular condom use may lead to condom mastery." Thank God that's settled.